"How is your life apprenticing you?" The invitation to sit with this question came from my teacher, Carly Forest on a recent mini-retreat. These simple words have been accompanying me through my days for the last couple of weeks.
I have to say, it's been an uncomfortable question for me to sit with. I've become quite a student of suffering through my recent years of illness, and this last year in particular since my first MBA (Migraine with Brainstem Aura) episode. And if you've read some of my recent posts, I think you'd agree that I've allowed myself to succumb to a sense of victimhood on my journey this last while. But viewed through a different lens, looking at what has been happening for me takes on new meaning.
What does it mean, to be an apprentice? By definition, an apprenticeship is on-the-job training where the student works under a master to learn a job skill. But there's a problem with this set up when life is the master: life is not one of those teachers who sits you down and explains things line by line. When you're an apprentice to life, you're studying under a teacher who gives you the broad strokes and leaves you to figure out the hidden meaning.
Life is, in equal parts, the best and the worst kind of teacher. I'm all for sitting with a lecture's worth of notes to find that one golden nugget. But to do that day after day gets a little tedious, you know? And yet, if I'm going to get the most out of the lessons my teacher has for me, I need to sit and sift through the content. I need to examine every line, and interpret the nuances in the sentences. Because it's in those details that the really good stuff hangs out.
Apprenticeships require openness, willingness to learn, and a desire to stretch as skill sets get expanded. Mastery requires patience, devotion, and a steadfast desire to be better tomorrow than today. Between here and there is a dedicated weaving together of the strands of life into something that has meaning, something that sustains us, and something that leaves us wanting... more.
If I looked at the tapestry of my life over the last year, I'd see suffering. Trauma. Heartache. Exhaustion. Hopelessness. But when I sit and look more deeply and examine the individual strands, I can see the gifts in this awful time. Life has been teaching about flow. Love. Patience. Grace. Letting go. Vulnerability. Humility.
How is your life apprenticing you?
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