168 Days. It's not exactly a round number. But in our house, it's a number that has us doing a happy dance. Why? 168 is the number of days since I stopped having migraines. I've had just one migraine since October 17th, 2020. It was fuelled by an intensely stressful week as we prepared our home to list for sale in three days, and then navigated all that goes with closing an offer. But other than that, clear sailing for nearly six months now.
Why? I suspect God had His hand on this little miracle. Because when you've had up to 25 migraine days a month for eight years, and then they just stop... some kind of divine intervention is really the only rational explanation.
But here we are, 168 days into our miracle. And it's taken some getting used to, living this new life. The first couple of months, I honestly spent each day waiting for my next migraine. I'd never gone more than a week without one, and so it was completely unreasonable to expect that another wouldn't be coming along shortly. And then, a couple of months in, I realized that this not-having-a-migraine-every-day thing might actually be happening. I have to say, it was like waking up from the worst dream you'd ever had, and having no clue where you are. I was lost, adrift, and honestly didn't know how to live my life without pain. AH didn't understand why I wasn't over the moon - and sometimes I didn't, either.
And then the four month marker came along on February 17th, 2021. Something shifted in me that day, and I realized that it might actually be okay to start living my life again. As each day passed, I felt lighter and happier and the occasional joy-filled moment started to creep in. I started to dream about the six month mark, and how I'd have a huge party, even if it had to be a drive-by celebration because of the pandemic.
The migraine I had on March 19th took the wind out of my sails. I felt like I'd lost something. Just as I had given myself permission to look forward to my six month celebration, my winning streak came to an end. But then I realized: it actually hadn't lost anything. Yes, I had a migraine. But the reality is, I am still nearing the six month mark of my near-daily migraines ceasing. I'd been waiting 18 months for an appointment with a neurologist who specializes in the type of neurological migraine aura that I have, and when they called at long last to offer me an appointment, they refused to see me because I hadn't had a migraine in several months. I have an appointment with my migraine specialist coming up next month that I will likely cancel because there's no reason for me to see her. These are things to celebrate.
And we truly have so much to celebrate just now. One last spring in our current home as my garden bursts into bloom, long days in the garden with my plants, days spent with AH enjoying a hike or a paddle or time in our yard, planning time with friends that will actually happen and not have to be cancelled because of a migraine. These are things that have been taken from me these last eight years. And I'm starting to feel like my life has been given back to me. I'm not living with one finger hovering over the pause button.
168 days. Nearly half a year. As I type this, I'm sitting by the window and looking outside at my peach blossoms. I remember seeing them last year, and hoping I'd be well enough come harvest time to do something with them. [I was, as it happened and I made pies and froze them. One of them is thawing on the counter at present, to be eaten in celebration tomorrow.]
168 days of freedom. I don't know how many more I'll get, but I can tell you I will savour each and every one. And that six month celebration? It is SO happening. Even if it's just AH and I.
Comments